My journey with the Enneagram
When I first learned about the Enneagram, I fell in love. And when I fall in love, I fall hard. I dove straight in and learned everything I could about my own type, and all the types. I studied and did courses with many of the top teachers in the field. My activity was feverish, and in retrospect, I can see why. At that time, I believed I was broken, and I wanted to fix myself. This is my personality type in action: find what is not working and fix it so I can feel comfortable and safe. My personality latched on to the Enneagram as something I thought would help me feel whole.
In a way, the Enneagram has helped me feel whole, but it took me diving so deep into it that I had to let it all go. I had to step back, loosen my grip, and eventually let it fall from my hands. This was hard because I had spent years studying and investing in learning with the belief that I wanted to coach and teach the Enneagram. To let it go fully felt like "giving up" on that desire. To parts of my personality, it meant admitting defeat or failing.
But something different happened. As I let go, I understood more. As I stepped back, a more complete picture came into view. As I questioned my motivations and my relationship with the Enneagram, coaching, and teaching, my perspective became more clarified.
I love the Enneagram. I love what I learned about myself by studying it, what I have learned about the nature of being human, and about all the types and people I care about. But what I love most about it is the transformational potential it can provide for those who really want to wake up to the truth of who and what they really are. What I really care about in coaching and teaching is that. I am not here to teach you about the Enneagram. I am here to teach you how to be real. The Enneagram helped me learn about myself and it may be part of your journey, but it is not the whole story. It is not a destination. The destination is unmasking, purifying, and clarifying the way you see and interact with the world. To become naked, sensitive, and impressed. To live a clear life, full and bright, leaving nothing out. Nothing hidden in the shadows or denied. Everything is brought into the light, held, and accepted fully.
I recently attended a webinar by a friend who is the same Enneagram type as me. She is meant to be an Enneagram teacher, and it was beautiful to attend her course.
I don't know what my role will be in the future with the Enneagram. For now, I use it in my practice of observation, both of myself and others, to understand myself and see what is hidden. When I work with clients who are interested in the Enneagram, we look at what is happening in real-time and use the Enneagram to help illuminate what is ready to be seen, felt, and released. I will continue to use the Enneagram in whatever way provides the most depth and meaningful transformation. To help you see the truth in each moment, in each relationship, in each psychological trigger, and then teach you how to be with that truth in a way that is transformational and freeing.
The Enneagram is a tool for freedom. It can help us see the unseen. It is not the only tool, but it is a really good one when used well. It is not about feeling good in your personality or being a good version of your personality. The personality is not a bad thing; it was needed to help us survive in our early lives and childhoods, but it is not the end of the story. Now it's time to unlearn all of that and see who you truly are. To remember your essence. To be in touch with your unique gifts and light in the world. You are not who you think you are, and the Enneagram is one tool that can help show you this truth and guide you on a path beyond the automatic, mechanical personality. There is so much more that is possible when you can finally see the box you created for yourself when you were a child and the path that leads you out of that box.
I don't know what the future holds for me and the Enneagram. Right now, I am existing alongside it; I do not hold on to it anymore. It is there. I know it. I see it. I breathe it. It is in me, and it is outside of me. It continues to teach and move me.
There are plenty of excellent teachers who can introduce you to the Enneagram, to teach you about the types, the passions, the fixations, and the holy ideas. There are plenty of books and webinars to attend. My interest lies in the day-to-day depth of it, working with clients to unpack the precise ways to utilize the Enneagram to transform the daily aspects of life. To dig deep into the unseen and unknown and discover what is really true. To inspire self-reflection and real transformation. To know real self-acceptance and self-love. To understand what is false about what you believe yourself to be and to gain a clear, strong understanding of who you truly are. True in the sense that all is seen, accepted, and brought into the light. Nothing is hidden from our awareness, so we are showing up to our lives in our wholeness, real, full, rich, deep, fully alive and present, fully available to be touched and to touch others. When we operate solely from our personality, that is not possible.
The journey of truly knowing yourself is a spiritual quest. When you begin to see that you are not what you take yourself to be, a universe of possibilities is opened up to you. This is what it means to come out of the box. And when you can truly connect to your nature, to who you really are, you begin to show up in the world differently. You begin to touch the world in a different way. Your impact on the world is different. The choices you make, the actions you take, the emotions you feel, the way you see, and the way you understand shifts. Reality is unveiled, and everything changes.
